Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
