Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So much rum. So many feels.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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