So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
