i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize