I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
