It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
