just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
hell yes lets make some ravioli
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
