my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize