i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize