I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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