i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
bring money and cleavage
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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