Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
