why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
