My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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