She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You took a bar mat shot.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
