i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize