I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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