today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
