She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I want to be your penis for a week.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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