At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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