i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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