Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
