to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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