I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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