Kareoke will never be a sober sport
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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