Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
