Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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