I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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