She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
