Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
