Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
