Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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