I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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