ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
