a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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