I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
