so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
bring money and cleavage
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
