No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
