I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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