I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
