some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
