Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
