Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
