Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
