2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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