I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
