your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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