Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
