someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize