The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
