I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
