oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
