where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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