we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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