I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
