There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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