first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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