your room smells of hookers.
And success
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
