Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
