how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize