U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
