He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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