I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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