Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
