If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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