your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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