Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
