so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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